If I remember, I was making light of the day’s mishaps here – my broken nail, the chipped toe nail polish, the pulsing bug bite on my cheek, my highway driving anxiety, and the big TX hair I seemed to create that AM.. I was feeling guilty and quite selfish having woken Jonah up out of sound slumber to clasp my earring (my fingers are simply not small enough) and the burnt Mickey waffles I left Ellie with as I ran out the door. None of it fit into my idea of a successful shoot. The expectations of a productive session had gone out the window. In my mind, I was a “hot mess”. In my mind I thought – well this might be a bust. Even slipped into the thought of — “what’s the point .. ”
Have you ever stopped and looked at your life from the outside in? Taken a second to view from a different lens? All those expectations you’re holding on to and worry about from day to day – how the event will go, the meeting, the day, week, or year looks. Where you think you should be, how your life should look, your family, career — all of it — is irrelevant in that split second perspective. The shutter speed — it only captures the moment. It only sees the NOW.
It doesn’t sit and stir on how we got there. It doesn’t lure in the what if’s. It doesn’t see what WILL happen or even what has. It’s the best view – it sees the real and honest YOU. Oh yes, there are times where we should get into the real gritty emotional part of ourselves – dig deep into why we worry, why we dwell on the past or future, and why we allow the unknown or unseen to fog the present. That too, is a raw perspective. But this lens – this split second view – also has the capability to reveal things in our life we’ve been blind to.
In this case – that split second captured contentment – happy, even. Surprised me a little looking thru my photographer’s edit. She caught something I haven’t noticed in myself lately. I’ve been far too consumed with where I haven’t gotten yet rather than where I am now. From worrying the day’s mishaps to hitting that magical number of followers on Instagram, I’ve been blind to positivity by being somewhere else. The blog’s subscriber count, engagement rate, posting quotas… all of those stats are on mind’s daily radar. I haven’t quite yet figured out the balance between work and family, and Lord knows my anxiety is thru the roof.
More so – I am a go-getter. When I have an idea, I’ll work day in and day out to complete the task. From cleaning the house, to writing a blog post. Even now, I am sitting here way past midnight stifling thru my thoughts to write this. I’ve set expectations so high lately that when I find myself not meeting the mark – I beat myself up and start to believe I am not enough. That I am unworthy of achieving goals. That I am too old for this, and that I am never going to make it. Yes, it’s good to set goals – but when you’re sacrificing self worth and dismissing the present celebration, you’ll forever miss the mark of success.
My life in this moment is beautiful. The relationship with my husband is stronger than it has ever been. My children are polite, independent, creative and healthy. I’ve the best of friends – relationships decades old, sustained thru life’s ups and downs. I get to write, shop, style and connect with so many of you every single day. All things – big and small – that render happiness.
That happy – that laughter and moment of all blinded expectations – that was caught from a different lens. There’s the point I was questioning. There’s the proof the shoot wasn’t a bust, and there’s a good reminder to rid life’s expectations more often. You can see yourself in the best light by letting go of any mundane circumstances. Instead of worrying where you need to be, why not celebrate the present? Why not bask in the party of NOW? Being present will allow you to see all you’ve missed.
Let’s let go, ya’ll. Let’s let go of our expectations. Worry less of the has beens or what’s to come. Let’s live in the NOW. The view of ourselves is better there, don’t you think?